This one’s for the musicians, but the rest of us can go along for the ride too.

In every band there’s a sub set of the group called the rhythm section. These cats are the bass player, the drummer, and the keyboard player. They have what seems a rather simplistic task – establish the beat. They control the tempo and move the music through the progressions for the rest of the group to follow. Without the rhythm section, it’s just a singer, or just a guitar player, or just a horn player. It might be okay without, but the rhythm section is what makes the whole thing come alive. You could say it’s what makes the whole band successful.

Married guys are like this. Unfortunately, most married guys are like the musician on the street corner in Chicago or New York. They stand in the crowd with their saxophone case open in front of them and play all by themselves, hoping to make as much of themselves as they can. No doubt some are very talented, filling the streets with great music for very short periods of time. I heard a guy in the streets of Chicago on Black Friday last year. He was awesome that afternoon. He found a groove and was really after it. A few blocks later we found a beat boxer with a five gallon bucket and a metal can. Again, very talented – I could have listened to him all afternoon. The next day they were no where to be found. Loners like these guys are great at what they do. But they’re inconsistent and, on their own, will never make it to the big time.

You and I are the same way. We are great guys. We have skills, talents, and gifts. We do great on our own for short periods of time. When we’re out in the crowded world of career, car repairs, broken washing machines, and overdue bills, our greatness vanishes into the noise this world. Our gifts, talents, and skills are no match for the barrage of battles, challenges, and stresses we face. We’re great today and we’re gone tomorrow. Still, what if that saxophone player outside Macy’s joined up with the beat boxer from South Wacker Drive. And what if they found a guitar player from Lincoln Square and keyboard player from somewhere else? If they all got together, practiced together every week, and leveraged the talents that each individual brought to the group, they might be the next Steve Miller band!

Being a married guy is like being a musician. We can either go it alone on the street corner, playing for nickels and dimes – hoping for the occasional five dollar bill, or we can band together. We can seek each other out, meet regularly together, leverage the strengths of other married guys, encourage each other, and bring more quality to our lives individually and collectively. A guy with a drum set is just a drummer. A guy with a bass guitar is just a bass player. But put them together and add a keyboard player and you’ve got a rhythm section. You’ve got community. You’ve got something more than just the individual parts. It’s the foundation for something great!

Here’s the kicker. Every band needs an agent to get them into the big time, right? The agent is someone who advocates for the band to the people who give them their “big break”. As married guys, we have an advocate too – an agent that works in our favor. You know where I’m going with this. Our agent, our advocate, is Jesus Christ. Our big break is eternal life with God the Father. The thing is, our agent, working as a Trinity, much prefers the band – the community – to the solo act. God the Father didn’t create us married guys to stand on a street corner and play for loose change. In His unbelievably perfect design, He created us all to be members of the band. He made us bass players, guitar players, horn players, singers, drummers, slide guitarists, guys who play the Hammond B3, the Dobro, and the pedal steel. He made us all diverse so that we can compliment each other and boldly rock!

So, if you’re that guy – the guy on the corner playing television theme music on your harmonica with your hat at your feet, stop the solo act. Search out and find some other guys. Leverage the strengths of the others to help you navigate the challenges of marriage and family and encourage each other.

I’ve done both. It’s much more fun to play in a band than going solo.

Thanks for checking in.

Bert